Bunny Tales Page 12
After my unpleasant experience, it was much easier for the rest of the girls, but no one ever really got their fantasy car, the way previous Girlfriends had been able to. Emma was next, and she got a Land Rover (she is British, after all), but she had to get one that was used and had frequent problems with it. If a girl got the new car she wanted, she could not get any of the accessories, or she got the car she wanted, but it was used. No one believed us if we told them that Hugh Hefner would not pay for our cars, and that some of the girls had to get used cars. As for Hef’s assistant, I never got over the way she treated me, and we had recurring problems throughout my life at the Mansion. I could not help but feel that some of the employees resented us; I felt that they saw us as frivolous young women who didn’t know how good we had it. Although my feelings or pride were sometimes hurt by the condescending manner in which I was being spoken to, I was always friendly and respectful because that is how my parents raised me. I was not some girl Hef took in off the street; I had a professional career ahead of me and if I was working in my profession, I would be doing all right without Hef.
An additional benefit of being Hef’s girl was plastic surgery: Hef kept a running account with a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. In star-studded beautiful Hollywood, you can never be too perfect. The level of preoccupation with perfection was even higher at the Playboy Mansion. When I first met Hef and his Girlfriends, I heard that he paid for their plastic surgeries; mostly it was breast implants (around $10,000) and nose jobs ($8,000). One girl who had a baby had a tummy tuck, and a couple of girls had liposuction. I was surprised to find out that a couple of the girls who were trying to join the group were doing so solely to get some plastic surgery out of the deal. It was a strange concept to me at the time, that one would get involved with someone only for a nose or a pair of implants. But they were models and thought that a smaller nose would get them more jobs. I didn’t have a plastic agenda in mind when I met Hef, but since “everyone was doing it,” I succumbed to peer pressure. Although it might not be a priority, many girls at some point wonder, “If I could change one thing about myself, what would it be?” This innocent self-inquiry is no longer philosophical when someone is willing to pick up the tab and arrange everything for you. Hef wasn’t just willing to pay for the girls’ plastic surgery, he told me more than once that he had the skin under his chin (and his neck) tightened. I am not sure if that was the only thing he had done, but he looks great for his age.
Major things, or things that cost a lot, were something we usually requested for our birthdays. All of the girls always knew what they really wanted from Hef, such as a boob job or porcelain veneers, a nose job, or whatever it was, and they always planned ahead of time when they would ask him for it. We had to wait a couple of months until after we moved in, and a birthday was usually a good occasion to ask for the most expensive things. For our birthdays, Hef always gave us the same thing: a small frame with a photo of you with him, and a card with $2,000 cash in it. In addition, you would get your surgery or whatever it was. The previous Girlfriends taught us to always ask for what was most important to you first, just in case you left the Mansion before you had a chance to ask for anything else. If you stayed long enough, then you could get everything you wanted; for example, Emma got her breasts and her nose done, her veneers, and Hef paid for her green card, which costs thousands, and all of that adds up to a lot of money. She was really good at getting things from Hef by being extra affectionate and using baby talk. I just couldn’t do that; when I needed or wanted something, I simply explained myself in a logical manner. Needless to say, it didn’t work as well as the baby talk and kisses.
What does a millionaire playboy boyfriend get you for Christmas? We each got $2,000 from Hef as well as various gifts. We would see these huge bags with our names on them under the mantle and we were so excited to open them! That was until we actually looked at what we got. The first Christmas I spent at the Mansion we got the most random collection of gifts. There was one terrific item, such as the diamond Playboy bunny necklace with a sapphire eye, which you can buy on playboy.com for $1,500, but the rest of the stuff left a little to be desired. There were several items that came from the Smithsonian catalog, like small glass ducks, sea life nesting dolls, a pillbox in the shape of a turtle, and cloisonné boxes. Those are nice items for someone who collects those things, like grandmothers who put them in their display cabinets, but not for girls in their twenties living at the Playboy Mansion. We went to our rooms and laughed—what the heck are we going to do with all this stuff? We couldn’t even give those things away; no one we knew wanted them. Out of curiosity, one of us tried listing them on eBay but got no bids. We thought Mary, Hef’s assistant, must have ordered these things, but then we were told it was Holly who chose them. Because the gifts used to be great, some girls only remained at the Mansion until Christmas to get the gifts. Now the message was: don’t bother waiting. The rest of the things we got were Playboy items, like T-shirts and earrings and small knick-knacks. But even those things were the ones that Playboy could not sell and were on clearance—for example, the shirts we got were orange and purple. We loved the necklace but we were disappointed overall; we went to our rooms and laughed at the duckies, turtles, and other animals we had in our possession. No one in the outside world would believe us if we told them what we got for Christmas from Hugh Hefner. The thing was, Hef didn’t even know what we were getting. It was all ordered by his staff, with the assistance of Holly.
The second year was a bit better; we got all Playboy things (company discount must be high). But again, they were things like Playboy neon lights, Playboy blankets and pillows ... Playboy overload. I kept a few of the items, but the pink Playboy décor did not suit the wine-colored velvet couch and mahogany furniture I had in my apartment. We didn’t get any special items like the diamond necklace we each received the year before. A major issue arose with the necklaces we wore because we wanted one that Holly had. We were all given Bunny necklaces when we became Girlfriends. These were the exclusive, official Playboy necklaces that were given to the Playmates. At Christmas time the first year, Hef gave us each a white gold Playboy bunny necklace. We loved our necklaces, but sometimes when we went to events, we wore outfits accented with gold, so we told Hef that we really wanted the same version but in yellow gold. However, Holly already had one because he had given a gold necklace like that a year before all of us were Girlfriends, and she did not want us to get them. We were told that Holly asked Hef not to get the gold necklaces for us so that she could distinguish herself by being the only one with a yellow gold bunny necklace with diamonds. We did end up getting gold necklaces, but they were $50 ones, not like the nice one Holly had. Again, we gave most of the stuff away.
The best presents we got were the ones we bought for each other. Each year Hef gave us a certain amount of money to buy gifts for each girl. There were seven Girlfriends, and he gave us $500 to spend per girl, so we got $3,000 each. The first year we decided to only spend a $100 on each other and spend the other $2,500 on gifts for our families and Hef. The second year, Hef was not going to give us any money to buy each other gifts at all. We were all so upset and disappointed; I had a feeling it was Holly who told him it wasn’t necessary. Emma and I went to talk to him and basically told him that if he didn’t give us money to buy each other gifts, then we wouldn’t be able to get each other anything. We already had to buy presents for our families, for him, and for so many people who work at the Mansion and it all added up. Finally, he agreed to give us the money, but Holly said that if we didn’t spend all of the money he gave us on each other’s gifts, she would tell him what we were doing and we would get in trouble. We outsmarted her; we did spend the full $500 on Holly and Bridget, but all of the other girls had a side agreement to only spend $100 on each other’s gifts and use the rest of the money on Hef, the staff, and our loved ones. As for Valentine’s Day, the most romantic holiday, Hef didn’t really get us anything. Each year we got a heartshaped
box filled with a couple of pairs of Playboy underwear, a Playboy tank top, and maybe a pair or two of Playboy earrings or something. No flowers, no chocolates. That was all we got from Mr. Romance himself.
What did we get Hef, you may wonder? What do you get a man who has everything and doesn’t like new things? We gave him photos. That was the standard, a nice large photograph of ourselves. We also got him stuffed animals. That was pretty much all you could give Hef. During his birthday and the holidays, Hef got so many gifts from various people. Most of the things were taken by Holly since she shares his room, but sometimes he split things among all of the girls.
When I think of all of the things Hef paid for on my behalf, nothing means more to me than my dogs. I am and will remain eternally grateful to him for buying me my first and second pug. I had not had a dog since the day I left my first dog, Nuka, in Poland, and that in itself was a very significant and emotional thing for me. Many years later, when I was old enough to think of purchasing my own dog, I went to the library to learn about dog breeds and to choose one that was right for me. My research led me to believe that a pug was perfect for me, though I had never even seen a pug. Two years went by until I saw my first pug puppy in a California pet store; it looked like a little alien dog. I was in love. Pugs have a relatively large head for their body size and big bulging eyes set far apart with tiny little buttons for a nose. I had never seen anything cuter, but my love was obstructed in two ways: the places I lived did not permit dogs, and pugs cost more than a thousand dollars. For a student’s budget, that meant a large part of a semester’s fund. During the two and a half years in law school, I visited many pet shops and played with many pug puppies, but I always walked away sad. More than once I thought that stealing one wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
You can understand then that one of the things I loved most about living at the Mansion was that it was so animal friendly. Almost all of the girls who lived at the Mansion had a dog, and I thought it was terrific. That was a big draw for me. About two months after I moved into the Mansion, I went into a Malibu pet store and saw the cutest pug girl I had ever seen. I took her into the play pen area and she did two things to win my heart: she gave me a kiss and then she went and attacked one of the toys. She showed me affection and personality within seconds, and I was hooked. I called Justin to tell him I found the love of my life and needed to know what to do. Justin knew I had wanted a pug for so long, and he encouraged me to get her. I called Hef and explained to him that I found the cutest pug ever and asked if I could please have her, and he said yes. I could not believe that this little puglet was mine! I picked out a few puppy necessities, which totaled more than $2,000, and we were off. I could barely drive home to the Mansion, looking over at the little pup in the passenger seat trying to chew her way out of her new kennel. I was devastated when we had to go out that night and I had to leave her behind—it was one of those nights when obligations and feelings conflicted. I was obliged to Hef for getting her, but I resented the fact that I had to go to the same boring bar where my presence was not necessary, while I had a brand-new little puppy who really needed me on her first night here. Luckily one of the girls just had a nose job and was staying in, so she looked after my baby. I went out that night and made an effort to be close to Hef and have a good time with him; I was grateful and I wanted him to know that.
I could not decide on a name for her. It was hard to come up with something that was cute enough and yet reflected her strong pug personality. It was my mom who suggested the perfect name: Balbina. In Poland there is a story about a little goose named Balbina who is an adventurous, independent little girl. It was perfect.
I hated to leave her alone. Whenever I went out for an extended period of time, particularly when I went to work for the day, she would sit by the door and howl. Yes, she would howl like a little smooshed-faced wolf. I decided that I had to get her a sibling. I recalled seeing a man walking his two pugs at Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica: one was fawn and the other black. They were named Salt and Pepper, and I thought that was adorable. It was the first time I ever saw a black pug; the second time was when I was in Malibu and saw a man with a black pug—it turned out to be Dick Clark. He and his wife could not believe their pug was younger than Balbina because it was twice as big. I decided that what Balbina needed was a black baby brother. I contacted several breeders. (When one of them found out I lived at the Mansion, she was so excited to tell me that she and her husband were swingers too! I thought that it was so funny that people think the Mansion is still swinging like it was in the ‘70s. We didn’t actually swing. If I am not mistaken, swinging implies a change of partners; there was no change of partners at the Mansion, it was just one man and his seven Girlfriends. I finally found a breeder in Missouri who had three baby boy pugs. She e-mailed me the photos and I chose the one for me, and Hef gladly paid for little Bogart.
When Bogart arrived, I took Balbina to LAX with me to introduce them on neutral territory. When we got to my room at the Mansion and Balbina realized Bogart was staying with us, she hid under the bed and could not be lured out. I expected instantaneous love between them. I called Justin crying, “She hates him. Did I make a mistake?” He told me to relax and give them a couple of days to get to know each other. When Bogart playfully grabbed Balbina’s tail the next day, she realized that he was more than just a pest who played with her toys and shared the attention of her mommy. She realized that she had a play partner. From then on it was, and still is, puppy love for those two. Of all of the things I got out of the Mansion, the things that changed my life the most are my dogs. The unconditional love they bestow upon me each day, the way they make me laugh every day, is priceless. And I will be eternally grateful to Hef for having brought them into my life.
The most famous pet Hef ever bought anyone must be Pinky, the capuchin monkey (like Ross had on Friends) he bought Tammy, which was featured in the MTV Cribs episode. Tammy had found a website about capuchins and showed it to him. After careful planning, Hef bought her the monkey for about $7,000; he was able to purchase the monkey because he has a zoo license. When the monkey arrived, it seemed to be much younger than it was supposed to be and we felt bad for the little baby. Tammy had to feed it formula and change its diapers—after putting a hole in the back of the newborn-size diapers for the tail to come through. Tammy, who loved pink, named her Pinky. Problems arose when she got older and we suspected that she might be a he (we could not tell for sure.) Pinky was sweet, she made cute little noises and gave kisses, but she also got into everything and was known to pee or poop on you on occasion. Still, I was lucky enough to monkey-sit a few times, and I will always remember those moments fondly. After the MTV Cribs episode aired, Pinky became more famous than us girls and people constantly asked about her. Many times after Tammy left the Mansion, people would still come up to me and ask, “Are you the monkey girl?” It made me smile.
In sum, we were living the good life. We had a boyfriend who took care of us and even gave us spending money. Not bad for lying by the most beautiful pool all day drinking daiquiris, shopping on Rodeo Drive, and partying all night at the most exclusive places in Hollywood.
9: Hef.
A Portrait of the Playboy as an Old Man
“ Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
—Jack Kerouac
In his twenties Hugh Hefner worked for Esquire magazine as promotion copywriter for $60 a week. When Esquire moved its offices to New York City, Hef asked for a $5-a-week raise, and he was denied. He quit. In 1
952, with $600 in his pocket and $8,000 borrowed from family and friends, Hugh Marston Hefner started his own magazine. Hef could not afford to pay women for centerfold photos and did not know women who would willingly take off their clothes for him at that point. Instead, he bought pictures from a local calendar company, and his choice made all the difference. The first issue of Playboy featured nude photographs of soon-to-be-very-famous Marilyn Monroe. She had posed for the pictures a few years earlier when she needed money. The first issue of the magazine sold 50,000 copies, and the rest is history. Some years later Esquire came and offered him the job back and the raise, but he was busy ruling an empire. An oversized $5 bill with Hef’s face on it hangs in the game room as an eternal reminder of the humble dream that became a fantastic reality. An empire built on dreams.