Bunny Tales Read online

  That group fell apart too, quicker it seemed than the previous one. These were young girls who just wanted to have fun. From what I heard, after getting a new Escalade, Buffy drove it to see her boyfriend in Texas; Hef found out, and she was kicked out. Regina apparently was asked to leave for trying to sell Hef’s smoking jacket, among other things. Cathi and Katie left for reasons unknown to me. When Katie, Buffy, and Cathi left, Dalene Curtis, Kim Stanfield, and Michelle joined the group. When Regina left, Christi Shake joined. And a new girl, Holly Madison, had just moved in; I remember how excited she was to finally be living at the Mansion. I first met Holly weeks before she moved in. She was one of those girls who came to the parties and Fun in the Sun. It looked to me like she was always trying very hard to get Hef to notice her by hanging around his Girlfriends. I guess Holly’s efforts paid off. Tammy asked Hef to allow her to move in, and he agreed. From what I heard about Holly, she had moved to Los Angeles from Oregon and worked at Hooters as a waitress. She couldn’t afford a place to live; she was sleeping on someone’s couch, and begged Tammy to help her. Holly was invited to stay in bedroom three which had three beds in it and was used by girls who were visiting. As soon as Holly moved in, she began an intense sexual relationship with Hef. She was the only one who had sex with him regularly and replaced his main Girlfriend, Tina, in all of the bedroom duties. My guess is that she knew what she had to do to stand out and she did it. I remember a couple of weeks after I started going out with Hef, some of them said they didn’t mind the fact that Holly was becoming intimate with Hef and spending so much time with him because it freed them up. She didn’t seem to have any friends, and I always made a point of being nice to her and sitting beside her since no one else did, until a girl named Bridget came along.

  Within the three months it took for me to finish my last semester in law school, the group had dwindled to Tina, Tammy, Holly, and Michelle. Dalene left after Hef made her a Playmate and helped her get a new car. I don’t know why Kim Stanfield left, but I heard that Christi Shake got caught with a boyfriend in Maryland and had to leave as well. Holly was ecstatic because she didn’t like sharing a room with Christi, and now that the other girls were gone, she had her own room. Besides the fact the group was now reduced to only four, the girls knew that Tina Jordan was planning her exit as soon as everything with her centerfold was settled. When Tina left, Michelle planned to leave as well. She already had a place in a beachside town, and would get up early and drive there to get her apartment prepared for move in. Tina’s layout was initially rejected and she had to reshoot it. There was talk about how she was too old and didn’t have the fresh girl-next-door look and the editors were tired of making compromises to get Hef’s Girlfriends into the magazine. But Tina had devoted a lot of her time to Hef and did not want to leave without making her dream of becoming a Playmate come true, and she was certain that it was bound to happen very soon. On our trip back from New York, she confided in me that on a trip to Las Vegas with Hef, she and the girls snuck downstairs to gamble and she had met a man who became her boyfriend. In fact, he was from New York and she snuck out to see him when we were there. We heard rumors that she was caught seeing him by Hef’s security, but Hef never let on that he knew anything.

  Because Tina was preparing to leave, she tolerated Holly’s aggressively possessive behavior toward Hef; it made her feel better knowing that a potential replacement was waiting in the wings. I didn’t think Holly would ever become the main Girlfriend: it seemed to me that she didn’t have that certain je ne sais quoi that previous main Girlfriends had. She was reserved and aloof and didn’t have the charisma that Brande and Tina possessed. When Tina finally left in February 2002, Holly moved in immediately. I truly believe Hef was not ready for anyone to move in so quickly, but I think he knew there were no other options and Holly was the only one asking for the job. From then on, Holly devoted herself to becoming Hef’s first lady. This effort, which appeared premeditated to me, involved her physical transformation, mannerisms, adapting his interests and habits, and carefully examining what traits and characteristics he liked in other women and trying to adopt those as her own.

  When Tina left, the group had to be restructured; Hef was left with only two girls, Tammy and Holly. At the beginning of 2002, when I became his steady Girlfriend, there were so many girls wanting to become Girlfriends that it was normal for Hef to go out with as many as fifteen girls. We didn’t mind the extra girls because they entertained Hef and we wouldn’t have to. But there was a group of favorites that included Emma and Lea, a fellow Canadian rocker girl. Roxy, a single mom, established a secure place in Hef’s troupe through her friendship with Tina. There was another girl that was always around named Stacy Burke; she seemed much older than everyone else and was a fetish model. I didn’t know how she got into the group. For two months, Holly and Tammy were the only girls living at the Mansion with Hef, and they wanted to keep it that way for as long as they could because they were getting more money and more of everything, but then Hef asked Emma and me to move in.

  Of course a couple of the other girls became unhappy about that and decided to take matters into their own hands. Roxy moved her stuff into one of the rooms in the guesthouse. I believe she wanted to plant some roots to feel more secure about her place in the group now that her friend Tina was gone. Roxy also had a daughter, and it seemed to me that she used that fact to remain in the group as long as she did; she always told us that Hef would not kick her daughter out on the street, and she was right. Initially her daughter stayed at the Mansion only on the weekends, but soon began spending most of her time there, staying in her mom’s room. I felt for the 12-year-old girl; she was a very sweet, polite young girl, and I did not want her to become a victim of all of the Mansion drama. Hef told us several times that he was not fond of Roxy and that he felt there was no attraction there, but he did not know how to end the relationship. We thought it was silly that this powerful businessman did not know how to break up with a girl, but I was glad to see his soft side.

  In the meantime, Lea moved in. She is a model who didn’t want to give up her friends and her independence, but the lure of the allowance and her need for a new car, coupled with our efforts to get her to move in, finally swayed her to do it. But she was focused and determined and left within months. She saved every penny and got a nose job and a new car, then she split. I admired her for her discipline. I didn’t want her to leave because I really liked her and had fun with her; plus, I knew that someone less likeable was bound to take her place.

  Stacy also made herself comfortable in a guestroom; she even moved her cats in. Hef actually liked Stacy’s personality—she watched movies with him and didn’t cause any trouble; plus, she was a willing bedroom participant, so Hef was glad to let her stick around. One day Emma called me to come over to Lea’s room. They wanted to show me something on the computer—still shots of Stacy in a very graphic adult film. We also called Tammy to show her what they found. We couldn’t believe it; we knew she had done fetish stuff but not a full-on porno. None of the Girlfriends really wanted Stacy in the group. I thought she was an embarrassment. At the Grammys, she wore some latex get-up; at the Midsummer Night’s Dream party, she dressed up as a horse with a gag in her mouth and Hef had to have a talk with her about it. She was a nice, unthreatening girl, so she stuck around, but the porno was just too much; we didn’t want that kind of association. Tammy said we should show Hef; we all agreed, and I was the one sent to get him. “Honey, Lea and Emma found something on the Internet, and we want you to see it,” I said. Holly, who was also in the room with Hef, followed him. The girls showed him what they found, and we unanimously told him it was not cool with us to have Stacy in the group. It was the one and only time that we as a group had “voted” someone off. Hef knew what had to be done and did it. Although Stacy was allowed to come to the Mansion for movie nights and was welcome to attend the parties, she would no longer be part of the group or go out with us. Some months later, I heard th
at she thought it was me who got her kicked out, but that was not the case. Lea and Emma were the ones who had found the dirt on her. Stacy continued to faithfully come to the Mansion every weekend (although she lived in Long Beach), and had confided in others that she was waiting for us—me and Emma—to leave because once we were gone, no one would object to her rejoining the group. Poor girl, I never told her that I always thought she was a nice person and that it was the whole group who voted to get rid of her. That is why almost two years after Emma and I moved out, she is still not back in the group and never will be if Holly has anything to say about it.

  When Stacy was ousted, her space was quickly taken by Emma’s friend Susan. She worked at Neiman Marcus, was sleeping on a friend’s couch, and was looking for a break. Emma introduced her to Hef at Barfly, and she immediately asked him if he had any vacancies at the Mansion. A few days later she moved in. Susan was Canadian like me (I am a Canadian citizen, consider myself Polish-Canadian, and hope to be American as well), and I thought she was sweet. She had lost her mom to cancer, did not have a father, and longed for a sense of family. She was recently divorced, and from what she told us, she was a trophy wife who had been emotionally abused by her husband. It appeared to me that she had some work done, though she never wanted to admit it to us. I once asked her who did her veneers, and she screamed that her teeth were perfect and real. When a couple of months later one of her veneers cracked, and Hef announced in the limo that her insurance didn’t cover the replacement veneers, I thought she was going to die of embarrassment. She seemed to me to be a helpless girl, with no skills in life other than modeling—Susan wanted Hef to buy her a computer, but didn’t know how to turn one on. I think she relied on her looks and on men to take care of her. We became friends mostly because Emma was our mutual friend, and because I felt sorry for her; I felt like she needed us. Susan reminded Hef of his wife Kimberly’s blue-eyed cool blonde look, and he liked that. He was always very gentlemanly and romantic with her; it drove Holly crazy.

  There was another girl, Bridget, who began hanging out with us. We were all introduced to Bridget in 2002 when she came to the Playboy Mansion one night to meet Ray Manzella. Ray used to be Pamela Anderson’s manager, and was Jenny McCarthy’s boyfriend and tireless manager, who finally got her the gig on MTV’s Singled Out. He had also been married to one of Hef’s ex-Girlfriends, Sondra Theodore. Many women hooked up with Ray, thinking that he would see something special in them and they would become the next starlet. Bridget and Ray were going out on a date and met up at the Mansion. Bridget got to wait with us in the dining room as we waited to go out on one of our club nights. I recall Holly needed a jacket to wear that night and Bridget offered her own jacket. She seemed like a nice girl, but I thought she was very average looking and I didn’t give her much notice. Ray was a playboy, and we were used to seeing him bring a new date to the Mansion every week. And so what happened to the other girls happened with Bridget; after a couple dates with Ray, the “relationship” ended. On one Sunday movie night, I saw Bridget crying in the corner of the great hall, and I asked her if she was okay. Then I approached Ray and asked what happened. He had gone out with her a couple of times, and I guess she read more into it than there was.

  After her break-up with Ray, out of pity or habit, the girl was invited to come over to the Mansion for Fun in the Sun. Because Ray was not interested, Bridget moved onto the next obvious man—Hef. She liked costumes, so she would dress up whenever the occasion allowed; for Cinco de Mayo, she dressed up as Carmen Miranda; for Fourth of July, she was the Statue of Liberty. Although I thought the costumes were tacky, Hef found these tactics charming. Again, out of habit or desire to get laid, Hef invited Bridget to go out with us one night. We happened to see Ray that night at Barfly, and it was obvious to everyone but Hef that Bridget was trying to make him jealous. She was dancing with Hef and giving him kisses, all the while watching to see how Ray reacted. But Ray had found himself another young wannabe starlet and did not pay attention; he seemed relieved to have Bridget off his back. She then concentrated wholeheartedly on Hef; she regularly watched old movies with him on Fridays and Saturdays, and was a very willing bedroom participant. It wasn’t like Hef met her, was immediately attracted to her, and had to have her move in; it was a slow, gradual process. I think she realized that if she put in the time and made herself the perfect companion, she would get into the group. She was always there, cheery, unthreatening, and before we knew it, she was one of the Girlfriends.

  In October 2002, a Halloween party scandal got Tammy kicked out of the Mansion. Tammy had been there the longest of anyone and wanted to stay until she accomplished her goal of becoming a Playmate. If Tina could do it, then she could as well. But it was not to be. It all started when I finally agreed to hang out with Tammy outside of the Mansion. She asked me to come with her to a party in Malibu that a friend of hers was having. I was not busy, and of course my love for Malibu meant I didn’t need an excuse to spend time there, particularly in a house that belongs to Sting in the Malibu Colony. That is when I met Jason Davis; Jason is the grandchild of billionaire Marvin Davis, and brother of Brandon Davis (Mischa Barton’s former boyfriend). Tammy said Jason was nice but heavy-set. Tammy had this brilliant plan that she would get his butt in shape, marry him, and live happily ever after. I liked Jason, he had a unique sense of humor and a sweetness about him. We became friends instantly. The party was fun; Paris Hilton was there with Jason Shaw, her boyfriend at the time, and hottie Mark McGrath, of Sugar Ray, was there, but he was with his girlfriend. We ended up staying too late and got in trouble when we got in past our curfew. We ran up to Hef’s bedroom and started making excuses for why we were late, but Hef knew I wasn’t to blame. He knew it was Tammy and that I was just along for the ride.

  A couple of days after that incident, Tammy came to me with a favor. She wanted me to put Jason Davis on my Halloween party guest list. Hef allowed all of the Girlfriends to invite a few (about five or so) friends or family members to each party. It was made clear to us that we should invite girls, so inviting guys was a bit tricky—it was best to pair them up with a girl unless they themselves were celebrities or had some sort of “value” to Hef. Since the day I met Jason, he called me every day and we had become friends, so I was happy to put Jason on my guest list. However, Tammy then asked if I could also put one of Jason’s friends on the list. I told her I couldn’t do it because I wanted to invite some of my friends; plus, it would be hard to have another guy on my list. That is when she told me about the money. She said that those guys were paying her $1,000 each to put them on the list and that she would give me half if I agreed to put them on my guest list—she would keep the other half as a finder’s fee. The thing was, Jason was my friend and I would not take money from him to invite him to the party. But he really wanted his friend to come, and since the payment for that was already arranged with Tammy, I thought I might as well try to get his friend in, and if I was to get anything in return for that, it was just a bonus. One day after Jason and I had lunch together, we went shopping and I saw a Gucci watch I considered buying. Jason offered to buy it for me in appreciation for putting his friend on the list, and I accepted it. I later realized Tammy did not have space to put Jason on her list because she had bigger fish to fry. Apparently she was going to try to get Brandon Davis in for a lot more money, and if I would put Jason and his friend on my list, she didn’t have to do a thing but was still making money. I had been told that Brandon was not welcome at the Mansion because it was the place where he got a bit out of control at the last party he attended.

  If that had been it, maybe she could have gotten away with it. But when Emma and Lea found out about this scam, they did the same thing except they charged people even more money, something like $2,000 a person to get them on the list. From what I know, Roxy got wind of it and because she had nothing to gain, she told Holly about it. Holly promptly reported it to Mary and Hef. And then came the official summons from Hef. We were ea
ch called in to have a private discussion with Hef in his office. We were scared because we knew someone was going to go down for this. When I went to speak with him, he asked me what happened. I told him the truth as far as it concerned me, and I never blamed anyone; I never pointed to Tammy as the ringleader. I told him that the people on my list were actually my friends, and I admitted that though I knew Jason’s friend, I only invited him because of Jason. I told him that Tammy arranged to receive $2,000 for getting Jason and his friend into the party, and I was to get half of it. I told him I did not know the details of Tammy’s other arrangements. I told him about the watch, and Mary told me to give it to her, but I told her I would just pay Jason back for it because I was going to buy it anyway. And I did pay him after the whole thing fell apart. I don’t know what the other girls told Hef, but I imagine they did what they had to in order to save themselves. Needless to say, the Halloween guest list was scrapped and we weren’t allowed to invite anyone. In the end, I was disappointed with myself for getting sucked into that whole thing. Jason and I continued to be good friends, and I tried to clear his name with Mary and Hef, but my efforts were futile.

  We knew something bad would go down. Tammy, Emma, and I went out for some margaritas to talk things over and de-stress, but instead we got drunk and came up with a crazy idea: we were going to get tattoos. We drove over to Shamrock Tattoo on Sunset Boulevard and got little pink Playboy bunny tattoos by Chris Garver of the new reality show Miami Ink. Emma and I each got one on our “lower abdomen,” and Tammy on her ankle. We went home and showed Hef our battle scars, wanting to show our devotion and our apology. He seemed amused, but I knew it wasn’t enough. The Halloween party went on as usual, we had a lot of fun, and for a moment I wondered if all was forgiven. But it was not: immediately afterward, Tammy was asked to leave.